I am a boy with many opinions, who happens to care about nothing in particular. I am simply a speculator.
I like to think about things that make me uncomfortable in hopes that if I do it long enough, I will no longer be uncomfortable with such ideas. And sometimes I forget why I am thinking about them, and I am just uncomfortable with the thoughts that I have.
Recently, I am beginning to realize that there is nothing lonely about being alone. This was a thought that made me uncomfortable for some time, roughly 19 years now. I think I understand this. I don’t want to be alone, if I have the choice obviously. But as it happens, my life is fairly limited in who I know, and romantically, even more so. I have dwelt on myself and why I avoid a situation including only me as its participant. I guess I am afraid that alone, I will never see things accomplished that I wish to see done. Or maybe that I will have no one to share the accomplishments with if I could, and then who would ever know? Then it occurred to me that I do things in spite of others, like dye my hair. I didn’t do it to share it with everyone, I did it because I wanted to. Maybe, I am afraid that what I am, I do not like, and finding others is a way of escaping owning up to myself. But if that were so, why is it I look for people that are of a similar nature? I must like what I am if I want more of the same.
In reality, I guess I don’t want to be alone simply because I am alone. I think it is just a case of feeling less than stale. Maybe someone new would bring in fresh perspective, circulate my moth-balled ideas.
Maybe these are just logical answers to emotional problems, and they just don’t satisfy.
But in any case, there is a ladybug fluttering around my room, and I feel obligated to liberate her. him?